A Boys Journal. Entry Five. Date and Title Unknown.

 

Why can’t you love me?

Why can’t you care?

I stand here always

Waiting for you

It not fair

I cut myself

I burn and I bleed

I do this for you

It must be me

It’s just what I need.

I’m waiting

I’m hurting

Cut open

And done

I’m nothing

I’m no one

Can’t you see?

What I’ve done

I want it to be over

To cut away my pain

Was it my fault?

Am I that bad?

Am I to blame?

I need to feel it

Deep inside

The things I did

Shame

Not easy to hide

I dream of the pain

It doesn’t feel wrong

The release that it gives

The freedom

I don’t belong.

It never works

It’s all a façade

Look as I bleed

The scars that I bare

The cuts that I made.

I won’t do it again

It’s more shame that I carry

Sat alone with my pain

Slicing my skin

Just one more time.