If you were mine.
If you were my child, I’d hold you close,
I’d dry your tears and listen to your words.
If you were here, with sadness in your eyes,
I’d wrap my arms around you until you had strength.
If you were my son, I’d give you the moon,
But not the sun or the stars.
The moon is the light that shines through the darkness.
The peak in the night, the thing there to calm us.
If I could reach you, I’d offer my hand,
I’d pull you from the depths and show you the world.
Through all your smiles and fears.
I’d guide you.
If you stumbled I’d catch you,
It’s okay to fall. I’d show you the wolf,
so courageous and loyal.
His nature to protect, he wouldn’t fail.
I’d give you love.
This is so powerful. I finally morned for the the child I was, the innocence stolen, for what could have been two years ago. Until that time I made myself believe that it didn’t matter, that my past didn’t define me, that it wasn’t the reason I apologize all the time (much to my husbands aggravation), that it wasn’t the reason I craved acceptance and based my worth on what others thought of me, that it wasn’t the reason I couldn’t be completely intimate with him and why I held on to that wall I built up for so long. I tried to fool myself into thinking that the memories didn’t matter, that I still turned out ok so it must not have been that bad. I see my children at the ages of 3 and 6 and I cry to think someone could hurt someone that small and innocent so much. They have never angered me to the point I hit them or slung them like rag dolls. I never felt the need to teach them grown up things, they are babies. I have to fight that little girl inside me that is 5 and just wants everyone to love her. I have to fight her that little girl who feels everything is her fault and that she has to say sorry every time, even if she didn’t do anything. I hug my children every day and tell them they are smart, beautiful, and worth more than all the money in the world, yet I envy them too because the little girl inside was never told that by her real parents.