The many sides of a mental person.

The many sides of a mental person.

I say that in jest really. Sometimes it’s the only way to deal with myself without self-diagnosing and committing myself to an asylum. But, this is what happens when you take a child and steal their innocence. The mind copes in the only way it can fathom because a child’s tools are limited.

Like a child playing an innocent game of hide and seek, they close their eyes and believe that the magic makes it so no one can see them. That is what the mind does when bad things happen. The mind closes its eyes and makes the child disappear to a better place. As time goes on, this develops into a dissociative disorder until parts of the child stays in hiding for many years.

I hurt someone close to me this week. It wasn’t on purpose, yet I know that is not a good excuse. My actions were mean and partly on purpose, not with the purpose to upset this person, but with the purpose to say, I’m hurt please try and break down this wall and help me. I was stomping my feet and hiding away like a child.

I get hurt, the wall goes up, and my weapons of choice are the cold shoulder, a pointing finger and a snapping tongue. They may not seem like anything so scary, but to the person on the other side of the wall, they better be wearing armour. My defence mechanism is well-trained, relentless and led by a nasty mouth. It has contingency plans for every possible fight. It has been training for years.

Calling the shots at the top of this is a hurt child. He is going to stand at the other side and use every piece of weaponry he has at his disposal. And he does.

Often.
I cannot help it when it happens. I am mostly unaware. It is only after when I, the adult, comes back to grab the reins once more that I realise what I did.

It feels like I daydreamed for an entire week.

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11 thoughts on “The many sides of a mental person.

  1. The biggest problem on earth everywhere is lack of communication. Life is hard when you do not have hidden problems to deal with everyday. People that you live with have experienced many things about you that is different from other people. Even a child knows when things are not as they should be, Adults also should be able to consider the mood or outcome and consider talking about it when you are more yourself. You could get a notebook, and on days that you lash out and hurt or confuse someone, they could leave you a note. They could say I do not think that was necessary, you hurt my feelings and explain in detail. It would be much easier for some people, than confronting you later. That is one way I have used when I am upset at someone it is easier to put it on paper than say some hurtful things to a person. Then later you can go to that person and say I read your note. Then it opens the way to proceed to explain why you were on the level you were on, and to be able to tell them you understand why they felt the way they did. There are so many married couples that do not communicate at all. My marriage is one of the biggest examples, When I would try to talk to my husband, he would take the remote and turn the television so loud I would understand and shut up. Well it has been that way for 22 years and life if not worth living like that. It could have been so much more, but isn’t.

  2. i could have written that myself….the cold shoulder, pointing finger and harsh tongue so just wanted to say that you arn’t alone with that….and i don’t know about you but it’s hard to break that coping mechanism

  3. The best thing I appreciate about you is your complete honesty. You show me all sides to you; the sweet and vulnerable and the hurt one with his fists balled up. 🙂 Thank you.

  4. I sit here after reading this article with a tear rolling down my face…the tear is for both sadness & happiness. Sad that sexual abuse has affected all of us in one or many ways throughout our lives… Happiness comes from relieved feeling… like my mind had just be read and put it onto paper…And that I’m not alone with all of us here.

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