Doctor
Morning sun burns my eyes
The day has come again
I can’t face it all alone
Friendly back street doctor
A bottle for the pain my friend
Offering me a hand
The intoxicating call
A lure of love
Picking me up when I am down
Melted on my spoon
Your hope breathes into my veins
Fake
Temporary embrace like no other
A helping hand from the abyss
Freedom for a fee
With your dirty needles.
If I were to die today
The rain would still fall
The wind would still blow
The new day would still come
And lives would still carry on
If I were to live today
The rain would not cease
The wind would not calm
The new day would still come
And lives would still carry on
The insignificant path that I walk
To trudge
A weary road
Do I stop?
Do I stall?
For the choice I make
Does not affect the new dawn
Yes if I were to die today
The rain would fall from the eyes of those I would weep for too
The wind would blow like a saddened sigh from the ones I would sigh for too
The new day would come and those that I would miss would wake without me.
Their lives would carry on.
If I were to die today
Would it matter?
How many battles do I need to face
To win this war
Dark clouds looming overhead
I have fought my way here
Faced opposition from myself, and others
To this day
I have earned this breath that I take
Darkness closes in
I lay down
Not from defeat, but weary days
I don’t not have the fight in me
No more, I beg
To look and be prepared
For another swing to my chest
The shield I wear is battered and dented
My armour ill fitting
The shattered fragments of the heart that beats within
Bleeding hands to piece it together
No longer is it whole
The tiny shards, vanished
The heart smaller once more
With holes and spaces cut from false enemies
Like Troy
I accepted
Fool.
The war is over.
Through Darkness
Through darkness comes help unexpected
Friendship unknown from secret places
Blind, wandering through an abyss of sorrow
Reaching in, staggered with concerned faces.
A life that is not alone
Is a mystery to me
The sounds of silence fill my world
I often wish, a dream, maybe.
To touch the things
I cannot have
Stolen, gone, not mine,
Taken in greed and insecurities.
In times of anger and my pain
Through the tears and stress
A test, the gift, a treasure that I see
One of joy, honesty and sincere happiness.
Handed to me, when in need
When it seems there’s no way through
Heroes of unrealised friendships
I thank you.
I do not cry for you
These tears are not the wine
For your victorious dance
They are mine
Through my eyes
My soul did peak
It saw the lies, the hurt
No longer am I bound by the words you speak
I do not weep for you
Your lessons were harsh
In the darkest moment I fell to my knees
Your bitter tongue, had no restrain
Not a fool I was, though I did think
I see it’s me
Not to blame, that lays with you
My trust for a while it didn’t see
My eyes are open and yes my tears do fall
But they are for you, for pity for what it cost
A friend, a hand, someone to care
One day you’ll see, it’s you that lost.
If you were mine.
If you were my child, I’d hold you close,
I’d dry your tears and listen to your words.
If you were here, with sadness in your eyes,
I’d wrap my arms around you until you had strength.
If you were my son, I’d give you the moon,
But not the sun or the stars.
The moon is the light that shines through the darkness.
The peak in the night, the thing there to calm us.
If I could reach you, I’d offer my hand,
I’d pull you from the depths and show you the world.
Through all your smiles and fears.
I’d guide you.
If you stumbled I’d catch you,
It’s okay to fall. I’d show you the wolf,
so courageous and loyal.
His nature to protect, he wouldn’t fail.
I’d give you love.
How do you heal a heart that is broken from all those things, gone and unspoken? How to you cure the pain that’s inside, the things that hurt, the times when I died. How to you sooth the wondering soul, could you stitch it together, make it whole? How do you reach out to that child that’s within, when he’s hiding, how do you begin?
How do you break free from this aching sadness, torn inside, lost in madness.
How do you repair the innocence taken, lost, damned, so long forsaken.
How do you find yourself when you’re lost, to battle and win without any cost?
How do you ease the damaged mind, with eyes that see, no longer the blind.
How do you fix those things that are wrong, with strength and courage? I’m not that strong.
I painted a picture in my mind
Of a life that was meant for me
It’s haunts me when
I think of it The things I didn’t have
Don’t you see?
The wasteland that you built
The abuse that you gave to me
It made me who I am today
The shadow of someone
How I was meant to be
In my mind I have dreamt
Of many wondrous things
Of smiles and hugs
Laughter and joy
Things that childhood brings
You stole them
You took them from me every day
They weren’t yours
They’re mine
It wasn’t meant this way
Stop it and be man
Stand strong
and listen
See what you did
Tell me you were wrong
Sometimes I want to hold your hand;
I’ve lost a thousand tears for you
I close my eyes and make a wish, but I know it won’t come true
To hold you in my arms one time wouldn’t ease my pain
You were born sleeping, and that’s how you remain
I often lie awake and think of you
My little angel fast asleep
I wish my wishes would come true
And help to steal my pain
I will spend my life remembering you
I love you, I always will
This is like sitting in a job interview. Three people sat there, arms folded, bored and yet glaring expressions upon their faces and then they utter the words, “So tell me about yourself.”
JD Stockholm. 