My Nemesis, the Badman.

My Nemesis, the Badman.

        It is not just bruises that child abuse leaves behind,  bruises are the things that heal the fastest.

He is there, when I turn off the light, when I close my eyes. When I lay down after a normal day. He is upstairs when my foot touches the bottom step and I stare, daring myself to go up. He is behind me. He is waiting. He is the shadow I cannot run from.

Every night he haunts my sleep. Yet he is no longer real. He is not physical, not just those years as a child he stole, but all the ones that followed.

In the darkness I lay down. I close my eyes and sigh and let the day go like everyone else. Seconds later my eyes open, I stare into the dark. I try and make the shadows nothing. I know he is not real any more, but I am waiting. I do not move. Do not blink. My breath is caught. I am 35, not 5 he cannot beat me anymore, but he does.

I am afraid to sleep. What if tonight he becomes real once more?

I see his face. Like a flash before my eyes. He is grinning. Smiling, yet I still don’t know his name.

Just the shadow of a bad man from long ago.

Read Dear Teddy.

8 thoughts on “My Nemesis, the Badman.

  1. You are the bravest man I have ever known. The courage you have shown in your life and the writing of this book is an inspiration. I am proud to know you and walk along side of you on this journey 🙂

  2. I am so sorry. I just finished reading both of your books then searched for your website. After reading this I sit here and cry and cry. I so badly want to take away your pain. I wish more than anything I could give you the biggest hug right now and hold your hand at night so you can sleep feeling safe. If ever you need a friend to talk to please reach out to me, I am a real good listener. I think of you every day and night.

      • Hi JD,

        It was so nice to see a reply from you this morning. You sound like a very nice man… with the heart of gold. I know you don’t mean to upset anyone, its just hard to read about things like this and not get upset. I just get so angry when I hear how anyone could hurt a child in any fashion, no less what you had to deal with on a day to day basis. I am so happy for you that you had Teddy to talk to, I bet he helped alot, I know probably not enough but a special friend that you had all to yourself. I hope you had a wonderful weekend and fantastic day. Try to keep your head as high as possible and remember to keep telling your story mainly for yourself but ,I just know it will help others as well. Can I ask when your Birthday is? I want to make sure I send you the biggest birthday wish ever. Again, I know you have met many,many loving and caring people through social networking and your book and as I have read those that are not true friends and those that are. But I promise you if ever you need a good friend I will be here for you to talk to, to cry to laugh or just someone to talk to. I hope its ok with you I am going to give you my email address, please feel free to contact me however you would like.

        Thinking of you today and always from this day forward,


      • I got this when I was in class and then its been such a mad week, so I apologise for my late reply. My birthday has just passed, it was October 26th, but thank you very much 🙂 Thank you for the offer, good friends are always hard to come by. Thank you for your words and support, above all else, that means so much to me. You are always welcome to add me on facebook if you havent already

      • Hi JD,

        Thank you for the invite to join you on facebook!!! Well Happy Belated birthday.. my sons Birthday is October 25th. I look forward to our new friendship!! Hope your having a great weekend!

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