Fathers Day

Fathers Day.

I know it’s been and gone now, but I’m sure I’m not the only one this day feels like something forced upon us with no choice and yet another way of having no voice.

I stare at my fireplace. There’s three cards on there and for fathers day I got made cake. I don’t need anything else.

Yet, in my inbox is an email from my father. This is the first year I didn’t send him a card. After writing my book, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to send a card that bore a lie on the front. Unfortunately hallmark do not have a section of cards for the narcissistic parent. Maybe there’s an idea.

He emailed me each day with some reminder, including today that I have not taken him a card. I’m sure I’ll have to cave and give him one, but it grates deeply to know that even now, so many years later my voice is still silent.

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Fathers Day

  1. I have your book almost read; I have to take it in sections…Even though I have reconciled/forgiven my past…I still feel pain and anguish…although the sting isn’t quite the same.
    I will not serve you platitudes nor patronize you but your words have caused quite a stir within my essence and found myself cry aloud ‘oh my God’; children should be loved and not hurt…love does not hurt.
    What I do say to you is that you are one great writer and a tribute to the cause of awareness of child abuse.
    You are in my prayers
    Beverley

  2. I have your book almost read; I have to take it in sections…Even though I have reconciled/forgiven my past…I still feel pain and anguish…although the sting isn’t quite the same.
    I will not serve you platitudes nor patronize you but your words have caused quite a stir within my essence and found myself cry aloud oh my God; children should be loved and not hurt…love does not hurt.
    What I do say to you is that you are one great writer and a tribute to the cause of awareness of child abuse.
    You are in my prayers
    Beverley

    • Hi Beverly. Sorry for my late reply, but thank you for your words. It means something to know that someone is listening. I am glad that you have found your own reconciliation, but I think sometimes its okay if they pop up and hurt a little, though I’m glad not so bad.

  3. That’s why they make those BLANK cards. Fill it in with your voice. Even if it’s a purple ass poem that could be taken ten different ways, just so it includes the one interpretation you meant. Do a double standard one. “I wanted to make this card special dad, cause you are VERY special. There are NO CARDS in the world to describe you. I thought it only right and fair that I change that this year. You’re not getting younger, and neither am I. We’re both men now, so, it made sense to be plain about things. etc etc etc

    • P.S.

      You are a great fiction writer. Find a way to sneak your voice in there. You’re a master at existing in hiding.

      • Yes, blank. When he asks you could say “when I thought of all I wanted to put in it, it left me speechless.” THEN ask him over for dinner. (wags eyebrows)

      • Just another idea for you to consider. Whether he would ever admit it or not he is eaten alive with guilt. The desperation of his to get the card shows it. He know he does not deserve one, but he is clinging to the connection he has to you. He is really messed up. But believe me the I am so sorry hurts a lot more than it helps. The regret and make up when they are older and you are untouchable does not help much either.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s