I haven’t written for a couple of days, I guess I can feel it and it’s probably that, that feels like its weighing on me somehow. I always feel better when I have written, so far now I am doing it here and saying whatever comes to mind and hoping that somehow I can lift this silence I feel right now.
It would seem that my father has actually got the message to stay out of my life, funny really, I thought he would be upset and hurt, but he’s quite the opposite, he’s angry and telling anyone that will listen how bad I am, and what awful things I said to him, which I didn’t of course. I simply told him that I was tired of being hurt and because of that I didn’t want him to contact me anymore.
My brother has just moved house, just over a month ago into his first home. My father has told him that he isn’t allowed to invite me to the house warming party. I’m not to be there as part of his family and at Christmas myself and the children can get lost and they get nothing because he washes his hands of me. He has told people that it is him that made this choice not me.
I thought I would be bothered about him doing something like this, but in truth, it’s just made me angry at him. I’m angry that he would dare to tell my brother he has to stay away from me. I’m angry that he thinks he still has some control. But I am happy to be angry, it gives me focus. It removes the guilt that I felt about walking away. He makes me see him properly.
Thank you father, for letting me see the real you.
JD, Thats good that you are angry and can see that it didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would to walk away from your father. Good for you.
Hugs JD to you and your family.
Anger is okay; let’s you know you are angry at the lie. As long as you don’t let anger grow you are okay. It is good you weren’t devastated from what he did. You are growing; amen.
The most painful moment is when they slap you in the face with who they really are and then you have to accept it. This is who your father really is and proves that he is exactly what he has shown you from the beginning though he may have blinded you at times. A self absorbed man who only cared for himself and his own desires. I’m glad to be beside you while you keep on walking.
When angry count four; when very angry, swear.” – Mark Twain
Question: what did your brother do/say in response?
Told him that he would invite me if he wanted to.
EXACTLY atta boy!!!! I think its your own father’s fear of abandonment that might have him desperately trying to get everyone on his side because deep down he knows that when all cards are laid on the table, he has one crappy of a hand and will lose big time!!!
I was thankful that Tonya asked what your brother’s response to your father was…..that was my first thought after reading this but was uncomfortable in asking. And I was so grateful that you saw
your father as he truly is, a pitiful excuse for a human being who wants to drag those around him down into the pit with him. I pray that you will now be able to believe that you are not responsible for past actions of your parents. Hugs are sent to you and your brother.
I’m glad things have become clearer for you and that some of your guilt has been lifted. I hope you do indeed continue to go forward, no matter the temptation to look back, or to turn around.
You are a man with great integrity, which I am sure is considered to be a threat to some. And even though you are angry, you are the one with the power now, as it should be. Finally.
In time, I hope all that anger and guilt leaves you, and that you are able to simply enjoy your life. To be free.
Focus upon the good in your life, stay strong, and keep following your heart.
~ Hugs ~