If you could zoom through space in the speed of light, what place would you go to right now?
I want to show you something. I want you to really see. I want you to understand. Not through your eyes, nor through mine, but through what I show you. I want you to look.
The room, it’s filled with shades of orange and yellow, warm sunlight filters through the curtain from the dusky autumn evening. The sunshine creeps in so much that the smell of the warmth permeates through the room. Evening motes dance idly across each ray that gets through, oblivious to what they are about to see. On the floor, leaning against the wooden box, just in front of a window, is a boy.
He’s sitting there, small and innocent. He’s almost silent, save for the small hiccups that make his body tremor from the crying he’s since pushed down. His tiny arms wrap around his legs, small hands and small fingers try to ease away the fear that’s inside. His head is down, he doesn’t want anyone to see him cry. He doesn’t want anyone to know that he is upset because he’s getting a new brother. He doesn’t want his mum and dad to be taken away. He’s five years old, his parents are his world.
Look at him. Look at his face, so small. Look how he bites his lip to keep it from quivering. He doesn’t blink to keep the tears in his young eyes. He’s trying so hard to make himself happy. His dad is happy, so he should be. His dad is happy; he’s going to have another son.
Watch the door. Watch it and see. Cruelty ascends from the darkness below. Hidden behind the face of an ordinary man. Covered in the mask of a love. He gets closer, the heavy footsteps approach, and his evil design in his mind.
Dark intent drips from him with every step. The walks over to the other side of the room first, he turns his back, but don’t look at the man. Look at the boy, look at his face as he swipes away his tears so the man doesn’t see. Did you see?
The man walks over to the boy, crouches down and enquires what’s wrong. He hasn’t been fooled, he sees the boy has been crying. The boy puts his head down, he doesn’t want to say. The man gives a loving sigh and smiles down at the boy. He reaches out and touches the boys hair, soothing him as he invites him to sit on his lap for reassuring comfort.
Maybe I could stop there. Leave it in a moment of care. I want to scream at the boy. I want him to put his arms down. Don’t fall for it. Don’t. Run away. I want to shout until my voice is hoarse and my breath is gone.
Do you see?
Does it not make your heart constrict?
The man had plans all along
Did he not care that it was wrong?
He lifts the boy, picks him up.
Turns him around, slams him down.
His hand over his mouth to stifle his screams
His clothes torn from him, to shatter his dreams.
Listen to the cries of stolen innocence. Listen to the screams as the man violates.
Listen to the sound. How can you stand it? The wail of agony. Pain so deep, it will stay forever. Listen to the sound of those falling tears, I can’t stand it. I cover my ears.
The boy is five
The man doesn’t stop
He doesn’t listen.
After, he stands victorious above the boy.
The boy, broken, bleeding and bewildered. Innocence never knew such evil.
I said I wanted to show you something. I want to show you the boy. Look at the child, curled in a ball. Look at him shaking. Look at his face. Look at his tears. Listen to the way he cries. Look at the way he tries to get up.
Watch as he looks at the man, not understanding.
Watch as the man leaves.
I wanted to show you a day, the say when the sunlight came through the window and evil came through the door. I wanted to show you when the man broke the boy and didn’t care anymore.
I wanted to show you the day a father killed his son, not the living and the breathing, but his soul that is within.
You dad, you are the man and I am the boy.
I wanted to show you.
There are no words for this 😦 ((hugs))
JD thank you for showing us, I am sorry that beautiful innocent people such as yourself have to suffer.I am sorry but your father is a monster who deserves to suffer and see what pain and suffering he has done. I pray that you print this and leave it unanimously or something to ensure that your father reads it. Before he leaves this earth I hope that he feels the pain and suffering that he has forced upon others.I understand he is your father and always will be but I just hope that he realized just for once that you never deserved anything that he did to you and that you grew and became something so much better than he has and will ever be with no help from him.
i completly agree with Stephanie,you should leave it were your father has no chioce to read it…. or at least if it comes down to it make him listen,and read it to him yourself he needs to understand what his actions have done to your very existance as his son and a human being…. He is undoubtably the most discusting creature ever created. I would want to know how he could ever do these horrendious acts on his own child, as you and i and many other normal thinking peaple , look at there children with such a love thats unexplainable i cant find the words to even explain what i wouldnt do to protect my kids. I know you say hes still your father but ,no i dont think so, i think he gave that up the moment he hurt you the very first time ,and he dont deserve to think that everything is ok or forgiven or forgot. He deserves to know the truth of what he is and made to face it… Im sorry for getting so angry about it ,but ive just finished reading your last of the teddy series,and your experiances really really got to me. i bought the last one on pre-order from amazon when you first released it but was so moved by the other three i only found the courage to open the pages the other day and complete your last teddy book…. he really needs to know,even if he dont care about what hes done,what he did for years wasnt normal,that its him thats in need of serious help for the way he treated you made you suffer and ruined your life…I take my hat off to you for surviving , i know that i couldnt have done . your stroger than you think.
It’s almost too bad you cannot invite him to your PhD commencement and read this out loud! I am so so sorry for what you endured and what was stolen from you. However, he did not kill the boy’s soul. He damaged it, but that boy has a voice and a man’s body now. Thank you for speaking for him.
This monster is not your father and never will be your father! He assisted in the creation of you and tried to destroy the creation of you. There are no words to describe this sick person. He doesn’t deserve to walk the earth that you walk on. After all you’ve lived through and survived, it’s amazing what a kind, sincere human being you are–a true survivor. I know you don’t always feel like that, but know you are. You carved a place in my heart when I read your books and I am so grateful for that. My heart breaks for the little boy that lived through this and the man that carries that pain, always. I’m amazed that you don’t appear to hate anyone in your life and I don’t think you know how to hate anyone. You are a true blessing to everyone in your life and those that got to know you through your writings. No one can ever take away the person you have become, which appears to be pretty fabulous.
I really enjoyed the strongly evocative language in this piece. It makes me feel that I am the boy who is undergoing such a heart breakingly see saw of jumbled feelings.
Thank you. Sometimes I write these to get things out.